OK, on Tuesday night, while I was looking around for General Larry and some “Pants On The Ground”, I discovered a horrific rendition of Tiny Tim’s “Tiptoe Through The Tulips” and not much else during the hour-long Chicago auditions.

All I could think of was that Wednesday night’s auditions will be from Orlando and that is the spot that Randy Jackson termed as “really strange.”

Some facts along the way to some not-so-good performances. If the winner comes out of these … OMG…

– Shania Twain was the guest judge. At least she seemed to be honest and much better than Victoria or Mary J last week.

– Largest crowd of Boston, Atlanta and Chicago. 12,000 showed up in the Windy City.

– Show opened with the obligatory “Yes, we can,” chant. Guess why?

– Shania proclaimed if she had to do an audition like this she would “pee herself” and said when she was younger she actually did once. Now, there is a visual.

On to the contestants…

Katelyn Epperley (19) – Des Moines, Iowa

“Syrup and Honey” by Duffy

– Yes, the evening’s obligatory sob story. She’s OK with a soulful sort of voice. Four yeses send her to Hollywood where she won’t have a chance.

Amy Lang (26) – Franklin, Ohio

“Dr. Feelgood” by Aretha Franklin

– Proclaims she had a dream about Ryan the night before the audition and she can do something with her breasts that she calls a “boob-flex.” She drops to the floor at the beginning of her song. That was a nice flop as was her entire performance. Amy is sent back to Ohio.

Charity Vance (16) – Little Rock, Ark.


 – Simon says she has a unique tone. She works in her parents hair salon. She gets four yes votes, jumps up and down and receives a Hollywood ticket. Another one who won’t last in Hollywood.

Angela Martin (28) – Chicago

“Just Fine” – Mary J. Blige

 – Been there, done that a couple of times. Made the Top 50 a year ago but had to skip Hollywood cause of a court appearance to settle a speeding ticket. Liked her better than Lil Rounds last year. This will be it for Angela and she just might make the Top 10. Just wonder how fast she was driving.

After another commercial break they move on to Day 2…

Curly Newbern (26) – Chicago

“A Women’s Work” by Maxwell

 – Small, falsetto voice that prompts Simon to say: “When you sing at home do animals show up?”

Simon and Randy laugh at him. He stays in Chicago.

Alannah Halbert (19) – Chicago

She walks away with four nos saying, “I have no idea what I was doing.” No argument here.

Brian Krause (27) – Pittsburgh

– “Tip Toe Through the Tulips” by Tiny Tim

– Says he was in the Army and served in Korea. Who knows. This isn’t even a good imitation of a bad song. Actually hurt to listen to him and he was on way too long. Claimed he wasn’t joking. Guess we should just be thankful he didn’t try to sing “Pants On The Floor” with that voice.

Harold Davis (25) – Chicago

– “Nice and Slow” by Usher

Harold came out saying he’s been eating microwave long enough and wanted to start eating steak. He cries when the No votes come in. This morning he’s probably eating microwave pancakes in Chicago.

John Park (20) – Northbrook, Ill.

– Soulful, reminds you a little of Anoop. Could go a long way with the right mentoring and correct songs. Said he was a little bit surprised at getting the Yellow ticket. He shouldn’t have been.

Paige Dechausse (21) – Morris, Ill.

“Change Gonna Come” – Sam Cooke

– Entire family came to the audition in a limo thanks to granny Roxy. There, she got a shout-out. Her granddaughter had a decent voice, but not Idol/Hollywood worthy. Shania and Kara convice Randy to give her a pass. though, and much to Simon’s chagrine she is off to Hollywood.

In all, 13 will be boarding a plane from O’Hare to LAX. Two may back into the Top 10. Of course, we didn’t see all 13 and maybe that’s a blessing.